fuck you ESPN

Weems | Comments (0) | Weems | February 27, 2010 10:25 am

Syracuse540_1

Weems was in Syracuse today to make an appearance on College Gameday. Problem is those haters at ESPN banned my beautiful face from making an appearance. One cameraman even told Weems Army foot soldier Mike, “We don’t want that thing on TV!” Why’s that ESPN? Scared the world will see something more beautiful than Erin Andrews? Mike still managed to weasel my melon into a few shots, but no prime real estate. Nice try anyway, Mike.

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5 vets birds should consider

Weems | Comments (0) | Weems | February 26, 2010 10:32 am


This labor dispute has really thrown a wrench into free agency. Guys that should be unrestricted have become restricted. Granted, some might become available for sign-and-trade, but the list is short. There will be few big name players out there to sign, but the Eagles will have to pay big bucks for them. Below are 5 guys that I believe they should, at the very least, consider acquiring. (more…)

movin’ on up

Weems | Comments (0) | Weems | February 25, 2010 10:43 am

Phillies fans have a great outlet for up to the minute news about the team thanks to the amazing team of beat writers across the greater Philadelphia area. One of our favorites, Scott Lauber, is rumored to be leaving his post at The Wilmington New Journal to head up to Beantown and presumably become the Red Sox beat for The Boston Herald. This would have been Scott’s fifth season on the beat for The News Journal. The Boston University graduate also co-authored one of our favorite books about the 2008 WFC’s with Sarge. He will be missed by us, as well as Phillies fans throughout the tri-state area.

Congrats to Scott and good luck.

Make sure to follow Scott on Twitter. You can purchase his book “Phillies Confidential: The Untold Inside Story of the 2008 Championship Season” here.

your 2010 fightin phils

Weems | Comments (0) | Weems | February 24, 2010 10:44 am

100224_PHL_Poster540

 The Phils took part in an awesome photoshoot today. They are taking the internet by storm because the the ridiculousness of some of them. Every photo of Werth is awesome (especially the one with the name plate). Howard and Uncle Charlie both look slimmed down. We see Roy in the red pinstripes. Shane looks like he pooped himself. Etc. Take a look for yourself.
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mock’d draft 1.0

Weems | Comments (0) | Weems | February 23, 2010 10:52 am


NFL GM’s are generally not very bright, so we will help them out and draft the 1st round of the 2010 draft the way it should be — as if we were the GMs, not how it will unfold. Mo’lloy makes the odd numbered picks and Kizzle makes the even picks. This is our pre-combine mock draft. We’ll re-assess after the combine. Enjoy, bitches.

1. ST. LOUIS RAMS (Mo’lloy) - Ndamukong Suh – DT, Nebraska
Please, please, please, don’t over-think this. You have the first pick; it’s your responsibility to take the best player. As a protege of Jim Johnson, I fully expect Spags to beef up (pause) his defense after their incredibly atrocious year. Here’s how bad they were: 29th in total yards, 30th in sacks, 31st in points against. “Bad” is not a strong enough word to describe their performance; it would be like calling the Bush presidency bad. Beyond the fact that Suh was downright dominant all year (and almost winning the Big XII title game by himself), there are waaayy too many questions regarding some of the others to be considered at the top – Bradford’s shoulder, Dunlap’s off-the-field issues, Clausen’s sexuality…

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the boys are back

Weems | Comments (0) | Weems | February 23, 2010 10:51 am

Bad Santa Werth and the rest of the boys are finally in camp and Chollywood seems ready to roll — or at least ready to fix some sandwiches. Camp has opened and all the regulars are back from their winter break. Jayson Werth showed up looking homeless and Shane Victorino appeared to have found time to bulk up in between attending UFC fights and creating his own fashion line.  Dubee has Lidge ahead of schedule from his injury and Doc and Hamels looking good. Raul seems healthy after surgery this offseason and JC will throw off the mound this Saturday for the first time in while. Big Brown is hitting to left field already, and apparently J-Roll wants to hit .300 and score 150 runs which sounds a lot better than last year’s plan to suck ass for three months before playing well on July 1. The only bad news out of camp is that Dom Brown is sick. Hopefully he’s just hungover after a long night at Mons Venus. 

That’s all for now, be sure to check back for more spring training information as well as the release of the new 2010 Phillies t-shirts.  

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Special thanks to @caseyfeeney66, @ToddZolecki, @ScottLauber and various insiders (@meechone) for keeping us up to date on the scene in Clearwater.

thanks for the memories westy

Weems | Comments (0) | Weems | February 23, 2010 10:50 am

If the rumors are true, today is a sad day for Eagles fans. The oft-injured Westbrook was apparently released from the Birds this morning. From the day the Eagles used a 3rd round pick on the do-everything back from Villanova, Brian Westbrook has been nothing but a class act and a joy to watch. From his game-saving punt return versus the Giants, to his countless screen passes he took to the house, we will not soon forget the mark he left on the city of Philadelphia. Westbrook will go down as one of the best RB’s to ever don the midnight green. Smart move by the Eagles tucking this release under the news of San Diego cutting LT. I am sure they will hold a heart-felt press conference like they have done in the past, and in all honesty, it was probably time to pass the torch to McCoy. Regardless, Weems is still sad. Westy, you will be missed, and we wish you well with the rest of your career.

How long until Westbrook is signed by the Broncos?

werth is sponsored by geico

Weems | Comments (0) | Weems | February 22, 2010 10:57 am

That or he is homeless. Jayson Werth is effing the man. It’s gonna be sad when the Phils can’t afford him this offseason, but he can continue to build his legacy in the Illadelph by doing weird shit like this. I don’t think he can ever top Pat Burrell and his sexcapades, but you can’t blame him for trying. The ridiculous soul patch that made him look like WWE wrestler The Edge was a nice trademark, but I think I like the caveman look better. He’ll most likely shave that thing when the season starts, but Weems urges Werth to let it grow all season long. Eff it. Go out with a bang.

suck it canada

Weems | Comments (0) | Weems | February 21, 2010 10:58 am

If it wasn’t depressing enough for host nation, Canada, that the U.S. Olympic team is dominating the world in medals, today Canadians are jumping off bridges. As the #1 ranked team coming in, Canada was the odds on favorite to win it all. They can still grab gold, but tonight the road just got a little harder. Why? Because those Yankees beat down the evil Canucks 5-3 tonight. Jockeying for seeding in the single elimination round, Canada will now have to face tougher teams in round 2, while the good guys are in position to steal the #1 overall seed, after going 3-0. Ryan Miller was phenomenal in net, and Ryan Kesler put in a ridiculous empty net goal to seal the deal. Eff you and your stupid face Sydney Crosby. How bout them apples, eh?

it’s hard out here for a pimp

Weems | Comments (0) | Weems | February 19, 2010 11:00 am

Big day today for my man Tiger Woods. He will address the media today at 11am. Apparently, Elin will not be there but Air Jordan will. Makes sense. If I was gonna apologize for bangin’ every girl in America, I’d definitely bring the most famous adulturers of all-time to take the attention off me. I’d have Bill Clinton introduce me to the crowd and do the interview in an A-Rod jersey. I’d get Charlie Sheen and Hugh Grant to sit beside me, and have Brad Pitt ask all the questions while holding up a picture of JFK. People would forget why we were even there. It would eventually turn into a party. Fuck it, bring some of those ho’s in and have them dance on camera. America would have no choice but to see why I cheated on my wife.

While this won’t happen, my advice to Tiger would be to only apologize to Elin and her family. Fuck everyone else. I’ve even taken the time to write Tiger a speech, should he opt to go off course:

“Hello everyone…. You’re welcome, bitches! While there were wars and a nationwide depression going on, I diverted everyone’s attention because I crashed a fucking car and had sex a lot. Sue me. Seriously, go ahead and try and sue me. I gave my wife half my money, and I’m still a billionaire. And screw my lame sponsors for dropping me. Half those assholes were up in the club cheating on their wives with me. Fuckin’ hypocrites. I don’t need your sponsorships because on any given day, I can stroll onto a golf course, play with one arm, and walk away with a check bigger than your car.

To my wife Elin, I’m sorry girl, but these broads were freaks. I respect you way too much to ask you to do what they did. I’m in rehab now, but that shit is boring. I’m only attending to hear some good stories from the other people. I’m gonna try to change, but if I don’t, don’t be surprised. As for golf, I’m back, bitches! The PGA tour needs me. Without me, that shit will die. And if you got a problem with me, kick me out — I don’t care. I have enough money to buy Rhode Island. When I win the Master’s in April, I am getting diamond studs put on the back of that jacket in the shape of a middle finger. Fuck y’all, I’m out!”

Tiger, your PR team clearly blows. You need to upgrade. Holler at your boy Weems. And don’t worry about your sponsors. Where’s Weems is prepared to sign you to a lifetime deal. We can’t offer any money, but we got all the t-shirts and booze a man of your caliber could ever want. See you at 11, brother.

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